The Bondesque Superhero Action of Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Category: Best Dramatic Presentation: Long Form
Slates: None

Here’s a list of Captain America’s superpowers:

  1. Being strong.
  2. Being good.
  3. Being irritating as fuck.

Was he out taking a piss when they handed out personalities in the Marvel universe? Was he helping elderly women cross the street? Was he in a boy scout meeting? Whatever happened, that zero-dimensional bore is the reason I didn’t enjoy these two hours of senseless superhero violence, which is a shame.

Iron Man has a problem with booze, at least. Hulk has rage issues. Cap’s got nothing.

Come to think of it, Captain America: The Winter Soldier wasn’t science fiction or fantasy at all. It was a generic action thriller with some futuristic props. They could have thrown Captain America out and put James Bond in and nobody would have noticed. At the very least, Bond would have done a better job at flirting with Black Widow.

All Captain America is good for seems to be posturing and telling everybody what’s the moral thing to do (in addition to throwing his shield around which looks sillier in movies than in comic books). I almost rooted for the comically sinister Nazis.

Score: 4/10.


5 thoughts on “The Bondesque Superhero Action of Captain America: The Winter Soldier

  1. Pingback: Santa Claus vs. P.U.P.P.Y. 6/25 | File 770

  2. Lord Darque

    Feel free not to allow this to actually show on your blog. I would hate to disrupt your safe space as this is just intended for you.

    But holy fuck are you annoying. Its funny when you first appeared on Brad’s blog I thought that maybe you had a couple of IQ points. I thought even though you were firmly on the other side of the fence you were maybe someone who could be reasoned with.

    But I get it now. You are just filled with hate. Did some man treat you badly? Some scum convince you that all men must be put down for the good of all? I am sorry about that. But he was one guy not all men.

    The simple fact that you cannot understand Captain America says it all. He stands for everything the USA was founded on. All those quaint ideals that people have lost sight of. The things people like you claim to stand for but really don’t.

    He stands for the idea that everyone deserves to be respected. He sacrificed his chance at the life everyone takes for granted in order to make sure the way of life the USA represents would continue.

    Let me tell you about the future. Your side has lost and will continue to do so. You should root for the Nazis because you have a lot in common with them.


  3. Pingback: Voting for the Hugos | Spacefaring, Extradimensional Happy Kittens

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